my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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