There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
