I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
