Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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