Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
