he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
