someone threw a dead crab at me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
