Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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