the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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