I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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