A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
