Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
