even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize