Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
