I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize