Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
