My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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