just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
