I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
