She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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