I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I said "one day" and that day is not today
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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