Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
