someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
