dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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