you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
