Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
