So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
