the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
