All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
