Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
