I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
