I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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