I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
