Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
