I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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