i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
