I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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