Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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