Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
