Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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