dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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