Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
