I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
