ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
