The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
