My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
