I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
