if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
