Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
