I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
