yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
