The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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