Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
