i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
