I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish you could order shots online.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
