I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize