Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This baby is an asshole
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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