U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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