yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
