Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
