Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
