I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
