like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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