he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
