You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
soo... how was my night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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