Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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