Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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