I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is it because I queefed?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
