I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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