...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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