you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
