But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
