she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
