I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
