So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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