I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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