next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
