if you like me you must not know who I am
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
