Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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