No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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