She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
