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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"

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• (707): View more from California

  I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"

  (248): View more from Michigan

  It was 11pm.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?

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• (940): View more from Texas

  You planned on giving him head in the shower?

  (214): View more from Texas

  More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there

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