i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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