mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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