my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
