she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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