the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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