I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
