I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
