Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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