Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
