dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
