he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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