the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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