i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
