If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
