shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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