i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
