in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
