i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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